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My Friend The Carrot

from A Massive Dinosaur by Bationmaster

/

lyrics

My best friend is a fucking carrot
You heard me right
They love and comfort you every night!
Befriend a carrot today
Don’t eat them because they have feelings too
How’d you like it if a carrot ate you?
They are the most trustworthy of all the foods
But don’t be friends with a parsnip because they’re cunts
Apples and peaches and bananas too
Never believe a word said by the fruit
They look for power wherever you go
If you see a strawberry fucking say ‘no, let’s go!’
I know what you’re thinking and yes it is true
Parsnips are vegetables and not a fruit
But something about them just makes me explode
I want to kill every last parsnip we grow
Those fucking parsnips, kill those fucks
They look just like carrots but they are not
Parnips suck!
Fuck parsnips!
My friend the carrot, he’s a fucking vegetable
Parsnips are not acceptable!
He is a carrot, put him on a pedestal
My friend the carrot, he’s a fucking vegetable

credits

from A Massive Dinosaur, released September 1, 2016

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Bationmaster Scotland, UK

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