Get all 7 Bationmaster releases available on Bandcamp and save 25%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Scrotal Exspermination (The Baby Song), Ball Sweat Smoothie (Feat. Lil' T. Bagg), A Sacrificial Christmas, A Massive Dinosaur, Barbie Girl by Aqua - Bationmaster Cover, Omnomnomnom, and Happy Birthday Jesus.
1. |
My Friend The Carrot
03:50
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My best friend is a fucking carrot
You heard me right
They love and comfort you every night!
Befriend a carrot today
Don’t eat them because they have feelings too
How’d you like it if a carrot ate you?
They are the most trustworthy of all the foods
But don’t be friends with a parsnip because they’re cunts
Apples and peaches and bananas too
Never believe a word said by the fruit
They look for power wherever you go
If you see a strawberry fucking say ‘no, let’s go!’
I know what you’re thinking and yes it is true
Parsnips are vegetables and not a fruit
But something about them just makes me explode
I want to kill every last parsnip we grow
Those fucking parsnips, kill those fucks
They look just like carrots but they are not
Parnips suck!
Fuck parsnips!
My friend the carrot, he’s a fucking vegetable
Parsnips are not acceptable!
He is a carrot, put him on a pedestal
My friend the carrot, he’s a fucking vegetable
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2. |
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Living beneath your thumb for months on end
As you quench your vile thirst for misery
You bleed us dry
For the price, the price of a fucking month’s salary
You’re demise is our fantasy
Indescribable agony
Slice your flesh in every single location
Pour vinegar on the open wound
Paper cut your eyes and pull your teeth from their place
God you’re such a fucking disgrace
Lower you down into the vat
Fill it up with our corrosive concoction
Watch you palpitate with fear
As your flesh slowly oozes away
There’s no one left to save you
No one will hear your screams
As we bathe you chin deep in liquid annihilation
The only sound you will know
Is the sound of your children
As we auction them online to local cannibal restaurant suppliers
You will drown in your liquid innards
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3. |
Interior Devastator
03:07
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Ding dong, knock knock
Open the door and let me in
I’m here to decorate your walls with my painting gear
Pay no mind to any of the sharper tools
They are just an explanation of my workplace limitation
My own sadistic taste
I only paint in red
With different shades of ded
Take my paintbrush made of knives
Fresh incision, fresh supply
Spill the guts and organs out
It’s time to redesign the house
Lacerate, buckets full
Spread the paste through the halls
Peel the skin for wallpaper
Hang the flesh curtain high
Time for the finishing touch
My masterstroke
Pull the intestine from the anus
Hang it high from the ceiling fan
Flick the switch and watch the mess begin
As you’re covered in digested goop
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4. |
Cookie McPloppypants
04:44
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Sitting around wasting away in a tiny room
Cut off from the world that I once knew
My faith is shaken from the terrifying discovery
That the gods we loved have abandoned us for cookies
What the fuck?! X8
Why have our gods become so gluttonous?
Their sweet confection fucked us over
In all our years upon this earth
Are cookies really all we’re worth?
A crunchy wafer will eliminate the population
Because the gods are fucking weird
Apocalyptic visions are haunting me
I see a meteor shower of cookies
Children screaming for mother as they’re squelched underneath
The biggest freaking crumbs you’ve ever seen
All the destruction, all the pain
I’m never eating a cookie again
I swear to you the next time I meet a baker
I’ll give him such a good talking to
He’ll feel so bad for himself
I might even write a letter of complaint
That this song wasn’t as gruesome as the other ones
Well now it’s time to reveal the twist behind this story
The whole reason the gods abandoned us for sugary consumption in the first place
This twist is gonna blow every part of your fucking mind because you literally will not expect it at all
It will shock the core of your brain like an angry, partially aroused yet bizarrely attractive transvestite spider monkey
I think you’re ready now, for me to tell you the greatest twist in any story ever told
Here it comes…
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5. |
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I’m so fucking tired of the lilypad
Sitting round in the swamp all day
It’s time for me to address my fixation
Of breeding humanoid froglet monstrosities
RIBIT!!!
Fucking RIBIT!
RIBIT!
Tie them down with the vines of the forest
Block the nose, make them open wide
Bite the tongue; stretch it long, even longer
Won’t be long till their swallowing flies
But I’m a frog and that is physically impossible
I’m a sick little amphibian
RIBIT
I’m the spawn of Satan
The tadpole tyrannical
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6. |
The Very Best of Buddies
04:58
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Hey there, everybody!
It’s Bationmaster
With our song of summer… yeah
(We’re getting paid after this right?)
Hi there, we’re Bationmaster
And we’re selling our souls to the label
We’re making money so much faster
Cause Deathcore’s financially unstable
We’re gonna sing with American accents
And sing lyrics all about the summer
And how much we love all our friends
And how education is a bummer
Now we’ve got to write a chorus
That everyone can sing
But we’re so lyrically lazy
We won’t write anything, we’re just gonna go
OHHHHH OHHHHH OHHHHH
FUCK OFF!!!
This is how we’re supposed to sound!
And education is useful! Fuck you
This is not a pop rock piece of shit
Those chords are cheesy as BREEEEEEEEE
Fuck your preppy pop, this the real stuff
Yelling about blood and guts and icky stuff
Now you will know, how far we can go
Just by vomiting into the microphone
Yeah, alright
Yeah let’s make money!
Yeah, alright
Yeah let’s make money!
Let’s sell out!
Forget this deathcore shit
Ooh’s
I saw her standing there and she looked like a queen…
NO NO NO NO! Don’t sing like a teenage cunt!
If I hear one more major chord
I’ll cut off your tiny little dick!
Right, come here, I’m cutting your dick off
Please don’t cut off my dick please
I’ve got a girlfriend and I think she might go to third base
That’s not my problem. She’ll be sucking on a stump when I’m done
Now get over here, I’ve got some carving to do
Please don’t touch me, get your hands off of my genitalia
Stop struggling; it will only make things worse for you
Oh god, stop rubbing your crotch against my ass
You leave me no choice; boiynd oivoie
If you won’t lose a dick, you’re gonna get one!
*Deteriorates into screaming*
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